Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
