I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
