guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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