He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
