i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
