We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
