I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
