Cold hands, warm shart.
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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