Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I think we might need a safe word for this...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
