he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
