Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
