my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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