oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
