After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
