Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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