I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
