The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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