Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
well most of my day revolves around power hour
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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