Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I need to stop coming to work sober
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
