This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
