There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
