Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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