I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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