Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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