you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
