The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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