sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
