so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
