Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
