wanna go halves on a baby?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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