Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
