did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
