We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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