I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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