White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
