omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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