party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
