dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
