rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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