Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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