fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize