I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I didn't notice because vodka
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
