i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
its liver damage thursday
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
