I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
