I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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