he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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