I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
