1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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