oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
