hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
