hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
