FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
