I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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