i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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