Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I lost the right to judge tonight
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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