Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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