Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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