I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
