totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just forgot I was standing up.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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