she looked like the before picture.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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