Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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