If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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