He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
