sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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