I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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