Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
