This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
