isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
His nipple licking is glorious
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