she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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