I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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