WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
