My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
