What a fucking waste of an outfit
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
